|
|
"Lion-O!" Bengali shouted as he rushed into the control room. Lion-O sat sharpening the Sword of Omens.
"What is it, Bengali?" Lion-O asked. "Where's the fire?"
"Uh, Lion-O," Bengali began, "You know those photographers that hang around outside Cats' Lair?"
"Yeah," Lion-O said, "There's nothing we can do about them. The ThunderCats have already discussed that. We can't keep them away, as long as they don't get out of line."
"No," Bengali said, "It's not that. It's... well, uh... Panthro..."
"Yeah?" Lion-O asked.
"He... well... he... sorta... punched one of them."
"What?" Lion-O asked. "Is he okay?"
"The photographer, that jerk Pat Wildmon," Bengali reported, "Has a busted lip and he lost two teeth."
"I don't care about him!" Lion-O said. "Is Panthro alright?"
"Yeah, sorta," Bengali said, "He's in jail. Tygra went to bail him out."
"Damn it!" Lion-O roared. "Imagine the scandal! Let me know as soon as he gets back!"
"Okay," Bengali said, and turned to walk off. "By the way, Lion-O, you do know that the Sword of Omens is magically forged and doesn't need to be sharpened, right?"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Panthro, you jackass, what were you thinking?" Lion-O asked, furious.
"Well," Panthro began, "I was just so pissed off! I get so tired of those damn photographers spying on me and interfering with my life. I just wanted some privacy."
"So you punched him?" Lion-O asked.
"Well, yeah," Panthro said sheepishly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"Well, Lion-O said, "I hope your night in jail will make you think a little harder about your actions next time."
"Oh, yeah," Panthro reassured him. "There's just one thing..."
"Yeah?" Lion-O asked.
"I have to appear in court on assault charges."
"Oh, no," Lion-O said, "Shit!"
"Don't worry!" Panthro tried to calm him down. "I've got a real good attorney. And I've got you guys as witnesses!"
"We have to appear in court too?" Lion-O asked. "Damn it! The press is going to eat this up!"
"Yeah, well, it won't be that bad," Panthro said. "The first day is the 21st, next Monday."
The courtroom was full, mostly filled with Panthro's friends, enemies, a few of his old flames, and the usual hordes of photographers. Panthro sat in the defendant's chair, alongside his attorney, Mr. Hatlock, who was preparing to give his opening speech. Across from them sat the prosecutor, Mr. Myers.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Mr. Hatlock began, "Let me apologize. This trial is a farce. It's nothing more than an attempt to capitalize on my client's status as a ThunderCat. I intend to prove his innocence beyond the shadow of a doubt. And I am sorry the state has decided to waste your time with this nonsense."
With that, Mr. Myers got up.
"Good people of the jury," he addressed them, "I intend to prove to you that the defendant, the ThunderCat Panthro, is a dangerous homicidal maniac. It is in the best interest of all of Thundera, nay, all of the galaxy, that he be put behind bars for a long, long time." Panthro sat and gritted his teeth.
"This is not his first offense," Myers continued, "Oh, no. On the primitive world of Third Earth he enjoyed, even reveled in, bringing misery and pain to others, like the poor mutants, who were just wandering space pilgrims looking for a home. Or like Mumm-ra, a poor senior citizen who just wanted a little peace and quiet.
"Yes, I intend to prove Panthro's blatant disregard for all laws and morality, and show that this dangerous criminal needs to be locked up for everyone's safety."
And the trial began.
"So," Mr. Myers began, "Ms. Cheetara, tell the jury about your relationship with the defendant."
"Well," Cheetara began, "Panthro and I have been friends for many years, and we've also been lovers on and off for quite some time."
"Have you ever known of him to be violent?"
Well, yes. As a ThunderCat, he was always on call to fight the mutants, or the Lunatacs, or Mumm-ra, or whoever else decided to be villain of the week."
"Is that the only time he was ever violent?"
"No," Cheetara said, blushing a little. "Sometimes in bed he wanted to wrestle around, with claws and teeth, like a wild animal."
"Sickening." Myers chimed in.
"Objection, your honor," Hatlock spoke up. "My client's sexual practices and preferences aren't on trial here."
"Overruled!" The judge said. "This is actually quite interesting! Please continue, Mr. Myers."
"So, Cheetara," Myers began again, "Panthro was quite an animal in bed."
"Yes. He always wanted to make me scream his name. And he wanted to try every position... missionary, female-superior, sixty-niner, rear-entry... and every different form... oral, anal... he wanted to use every part of our bodies."
"What a pervert!" Myers exclaimed. "No further questions, your honor."
"Your witness, Mr. Hatlock."
"Thank you." Hatlock said, standing up. Slowly he approached the stand.
"Cheetara," he began, "Was Panthro your first?"
"Heh." Cheetara replied. "God, no!"
"But he must've been close, right? Your second? Third?"
"I don't know. Pretty close, I guess."
"How close?"
"Well, let's see. There was Jaga, Claudus, Lion-O, Mumm-ra, Tygra, Lion-O again, Mumm-ra again, WileyKat, Willa, and then Panthro, then Tygra again, then Bengali, then Pumyra, then Tygra and Bengali, then Mumm-ra again... I really can't say. It's all a blur."
"I see. And all these positions and style you spoke of, were these all Panthro's ideas?"
"Well," she began, "Not exactly."
"Truth is, he hadn't even tried a lot of them, right?"
"No," she said. "Not all of them."
"So you suggested a lot of them, even encouraged him?"
"Well, yes."
"Alright, then. No further questions, your honor."
"Very well, then." The judge said. "Mr. Myers, call your next witness."
As Hatlock sat down, Myers got up.
"I call Mumm-ra the Ever-Living to the stand."
Mumm-ra walked into the courtroom, approached the stand, and sat down.
"Now, Mumm-ra," Myers began, "Tell us how the defendant treated you."
"Oh," Mumm-ra began, sobbing, "He's been horrible to me. He's harassed me, taunted me, called me names, threatened me, even assaulted and physically abused me."
"My God!" Mr. Myers exclaimed.
"It's true," Mumm-ra continued. "For instance, one time when the ThunderCats and Lunatacs were fighting, I started shooting the Lunatacs with bolts of energy to help the ThunderCats. I mean, sure, sometimes I missed, and hit Lion-O, or Lynx-O, or Tygra, or whoever, but I was trying to help the ThunderCats. Then from out of nowhere Panthro hits me in the head with his nunchaku. Naturally, I got the hell out of there. He frightened me."
"Oh, the horror," Myers said. "No further questions, your honor."
"Your witness, Mr. Hatlock."
"Thank you, your honor." Hatlock said as he stood up. "Mumm-ra, you seem to remember that battle well, especially for a ‘poor senior citizen.' Can you tell the court about the night before?"
"Well, I spent the night before snuggled in my sarcophagus... with... uh, heheh... Panthro."
"Really? Then can you explain why he hit you in the head with his nunchaku the next day?"
"No, I can't." Mumm-ra answered.
"Well," Hatlock said, "I have a theory. The next day, you started telling Panthro how he was your one and only. You told him you'd make sure that the two of you would always be together. And he got nervous, so he split. And this made you mad, so the next day, in battle, you blasted him in vengeance. Is that true?"
"Well... uh... no." Mumm-ra said.
"Might I remind you that you are under oath?"
"Oh, all right!" Mumm-ra broke down. "It's true! All of it! I loved him, and he rejected me, for those damn Thundertramps! I was so hurt. So, yes, I attacked him."
"No further questions, your honor."
"Very well," the judge said, "Call your next witness, Mr. Myers."
"Your honor, I call Pumyra to the stand."
Pumyra approached the stand and sat down.
"Ms. Pumyra, how do you know the defendant?" Myers asked.
"We've worked together for several years," Pumyra answered, "And we also had a relationship not so long ago."
"Really?" Myers asked. "How close were you?"
"Well," Pumyra said, "Very close. We went everywhere together. We slept together in my bedroom, his bedroom, the back of the Thundertank, the back of the Feliner, in the Night's Inn motel, camping in the Jungle of Darkness, and various other locales."
"So why aren't you still involved?"
"Because he couldn't keep his... ahem... sword in its sheath. He always went after every female with legs and a pulse. He went with mutants, Lunatacs, other ThunderCats, warrior maidens, robots, even Mumm-rana. I just couldn't take it. So I ended it."
"I don't blame you." Myers said. "No further questions."
"Very well," the judge said, "Mr. Hatlock, your witness."
"Pumyra," Hatlock began, "You seem to have a lot of negative things to say about my client. Can't you say anything good about him?"
"Oh," Pumyra said, "He was great in bed. And, he was about the only male ThunderCat who stuck to women, for the most part."
"Really?" The judge butted in. "What about Lion-O?"
"Oh, please," Pumyra said, "Lion-O? I've seen curvy mountain roads straighter than him!" Lion-O squirmed in his chair and buried his face in his hands.
"Anyway," Hatlock continued, "You said you broke it off with Panthro. Is that completely true?"
"Not exactly," Pumyra said, "He broke up with me."
"Really?" Hatlock asked.
"Yeah," Pumyra said, "He apparently didn't want to be ‘tied down' or ‘too committed.' So he bolted."
"So you knew he didn't want a serious relationship?" Hatlock asked.
"Yeah," Pumyra answered.
"Then why'd you stick with him?"
"The sex was great."
Hatlock chuckled. "No further questions, your honor."
"Call your next witness, then, Mr. Myers," the judge said. "And hurry up! I'm getting hungry!"
"Very well, then," Myers said. "I call Lion-O to the stand."
Lion-O walked to the stand, still blushing a bit from what Pumyra said about him. He sat down.
"Lion-O," Myers said, "Describe your relationship with Mr. Panthro."
"Okay," Lion-O said. "He's a ThunderCat, and I'm Lord of the ThunderCats. He's one of my oldest friends and most trusted comrades. And, also, let the records show, I've kicked his ass."
"What?!" Panthro said loudly.
"Order!" The Judge said. "Mr. Hatlock, restrain your client before I find him in contempt!"
"Well," Lion-O continued, "Just once, during the Anointment Trials. And when the Chain of Loyalty was broken by that bastard Mumm-ra." He glared at Mumm-ra, who sat in the back and returned the glare.
"Is that all you are," Myers continued, "Just friends, just comrades?"
"Pretty much," Lion-O replied.
"Pretty much?"
"Well," Lion-O continued, "There was this on night... on my birthday several years ago... when I turned 21. Everyone had either left or passed out drunk."
"Yes?" Myers asked curiously. Panthro squirmed in his seat.
"I had gone out on the porch for some air," Lion-O continued, "And he followed me out. I asked what he wanted, and he just had this weird look on his face. He lead me back up to his room, and we..."
"Yes?" Myers asked again.
"We made love. It was the first time I'd ever been with another man. The next day, he wasn't in bed with me, and when I asked him about it, he said he had a lot to drink and didn't remember."
"Ouch." Myers commented. "That must have hurt."
"Yeah," Lion-O said. "It really affected me. I didn't know what to think."
"No further questions, judge." Myers said.
Hatlock approached Lion-O.
"Lion-O," he began, "On the night you mentioned, had Panthro been drinking?"
"Well, yeah," Lion-O said, "Everyone had been."
"So, why did you go up to his room with him?"
"I don't know," Lion-O said, "I guess I was just kinda curious."
"But you knew this wouldn't exactly be a long-term relationship?"
"Yeah," Lion-O said, "Still, I expected him to be there the next morning."
"Don't you think that's a little naive?" Hatlock asked.
"I suppose so," Lion-O said. "I guess I really don't blame him. I mean, it was as much a lapse in judgement on my part as it was his fault. But, hell, I'm allowed to make one mistake, right? I mean, I've never really, really messed up before."
At that, the whole courtroom groaned.
"No further questions, your honor." Hatlock said, sitting down.
"Very well, then hurry up and call your next witness, Mr. Myers."
"Okay, your honor," Myers said. "I call my last witness, Pat Wildmon, to the stand."
Panthro growled and gritted his teeth as Wildmon walked by and got on the stand.
"Mr. Wildmon," Myers began, "Why don't you tell us what happened on the day in question?"
"Well," Wildmon began, "I was outside Cats' Lair with all the other photographers, waiting for a shot of some of the ThunderCats. I had been waiting about three hours, when finally, Panthro comes out. I was close to the door so I started taking pictures. When Panthro got close he punched me in the jaw."
"An unprovoked attack? How horrible." Myers commented.
"Tell me about it." Wildmon continued. "He knocked two teeth out, and left a big bruise. I couldn't eat solid food for a week."
"It's obvious you've been through enough." Myers said. "No further questions, your honor. I rest my case."
"Finally!" The judge said. "Your witness, Mr. Hatlock."
"Mr. Wildmon," Hatlock began as he stood up, "You said my client just punched you?"
"Yeah."
"Just out of the blue? Unprovoked?"
"Uh-huh."
"You mean you didn't say anything to him? You didn't do anything to him?"
"Well," Wildmon explained, "I may have said something like, ‘Hey, Panthro, how's your kids?' or something like that."
"So," Hatlock said, "You taunted him."
"Well, I guess you could say that," Wildmon said, "Kinda."
"Did you do anything else?"
"Uh," Wildmon said, "I sorta... uh... patted him on the back."
"So you touched him in a threatening manner?"
"Well, no, not exactly. I mean, I just patted him."
"But he didn't know that you didn't mean any harm or have any ill-will against him?"
"Well, I don't suppose he knew, no."
"No further questions, your honor. I rest my case."
"Great!" The judge said. "I dismiss the jury to deliberate while I go grab a snack. And Cat Cops is on! I order the jury to take at least 30 minutes to make a decision."
The ThunderCats all sat quietly, wondering what would become of their comrade. Tygra thought about the first time they'd met, back in high school, and had become friends. Lynx-O remembered seeing Panthro as a small boy. Cheetara and Pumyra each remembered the nights of passion they'd spent with the muscular feline. Lion-O remembered the night he'd spent with Panthro that changed his life.
All around them, mutants and Lunatacs, as well as Berbils and Wollos, and other ThunderCat associates, both friends and enemies, wondered what would become of Panthro.
Finally, the jury returned.
"Have you reached a verdict?" The judge asked.
"Yes we have, your honor," the head juror said.
A moment of silence befell the courtroom.
"Well," the judge asked, "What is it?"
"Oh!" the lead juror said, stunned. He then composed himself. "We the jury find the defendant, Panthro, of the crime of assault and battery... not guilty."
Part of the courtroom cheered and part of it booed. The press took pictures as the ThunderCats joyously passed around hugs and high-fives. Panthro let out a nice loud "Hell, yeah!"
"Order!" the judge said, "At last this trial is over! Dismissed!"
The ThunderCats took turns shaking Panthro's hands and hugging him. Finally, the ThunderCats walked out together. Pat Wildmon was waiting outside.
"You know, Panthro," he said smugly, "This isn't over! I'll sue your ass in a civil suit! I'll take everything you own!" Tygra fought to hold a growling Panthro back Lion-O stepped forward and grabbed Wildmon by the shirt, picking him up three or four inches off the ground.
"Now, listen to me, you little snot, and listen good!" Lion-O growled. "I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna go home and forget you ever heard of Panthro, or the ThunderCats. And, if I ever, ever see you around Cats' Lair, with or without a camera, I will beat you so badly only your dentist will recognize you. Got it?"
"Uh... yeah... yeah, man..." Wildmon whined.
"Good," Lion-O said as he dropped Wildmon. "Now get the hell outta here!" Wildmon scurried away. Lion-O walked a few feet away and looked at the ground. Tygra released Panthro.
"Tygra, Lynx-O, Cheetara," Panthro said, "And the rest of you guys, go on home. I'll be along in a while. I'm going to talk to Lion-O." The rest of the ThunderCats left, and Panthro walked over to Lion-O.
"Lion-O," Panthro began, "I appreciate what you did for me back there."
"Don't worry about it," Lion-O said, "We ThunderCats have to look out for each other."
"And, Lion-O," Panthro said, "I'm sorry. I mean, about your birthday, back then. I didn't know how much of an impact that had on you. I guess I was a little insensitive. I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't worry about it," Lion-O said as he put his arm around Panthro. "Let's just get out of here, before we're on the cover of the Thunderian Inquisitor tomorrow."
They walked off, as flashbulbs flashed and photographers snapped up pictures as quickly as possible.