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The fliers had been circulating around New Thundera for weeks. Ads had appeared in the Third Earth Inquirer, the Thunderian Inquisitor, and other newspapers around the galaxy. Everyone was going to be there, and the ThunderCats were no exception.
"Hey, Panthro," Lion-O said, "Did you hear about this 'Galaxy' club opening up right here on New Thundera? It's supposedly going to be one of the hottest nightclubs around... with bikini mudwrestling!"
"I heard," Panthro said as he propped his feet up onto the control panel in the control room. "I'm planning to be there."
"Count me in, too," WilyKat said as he walked in.
"Oh, no," Lion-O said, "You're too young!" He didn't want a kid spoiling their fun.
"Oh, come on, Lion-O," Kat pleaded, "I'm tired of being stuck at the lair while everyone else goes out and has fun."
"Well," Lion-O said, "Maybe just this once, if you stay out of trouble until the grand opening." He was confident WilyKat couldn't do that.
"Okay," Kat said, excited, "Just you wait and see!"
"Gya ha ha!!" Mumm-ra cackled as he watched the ThunderCats in his cauldron. "My plan to open a new nightclub has enticed the ThunderCats, exactly as I had hoped. Before the night of the grand opening is over, I will publicly humiliate them and have my vengeance!
"Gya ha ha ha ha!!!"
What neither Mumm-ra nor the male ThunderCats new was Cheetara and Pumyra, hoping to make a little extra cash on the side, and maybe have some fun, had entered the tag-team bikini mudwrestling tournament under assumed names. They had been training for weeks in anticipation of the grand opening.
Finally, the big night came. As Lion-O and Panthro walked in, they noticed the huge crowd. WileyKat eagerly followed behind them, hoping to see some hot girls in bikinis and maybe even get laid. Miraculously, Kat had managed to stay out of trouble (as far as anyone else knew), so Lion-O kept his promise and brought him along. At first, the bouncer didn't want to let him in, because he was underage, and because he was a ThunderCat, for the bouncer just happened to be RedEye. In order to get Kat in, Lion-O had to slip him a Thunderian $20 bill and promise to meet him later for a "different" kind of mudwrestling. Lion-O hated giving him $20 more than he minded the mudwrestling promise.
"Wow!" Kat said, as he looked around, astonished. "This place is huge... and look at all the chicks!" He looked the place over. Loud music was piping, people were dancing, there was even a bar where some familiar faces (including Slythe, TugMug, and Monkian) were getting plastered. In the center of it all sat a giant wrestling ring filled with mud, waiting to hold the event the whole club was waiting for.
"Well," Cheetara said, "Are you ready, Pumyra?"
"Eh," Pumyra shrugged, "I'm not too worried. I used to be a dancer, after all. This will be a cinch."
"Probably," Cheetara said, "I just wish we knew who our opponents were going to be."
Meanwhile, in the dressing room, Mumm-ra, in the guise of nightclub owner Davis Carvey, was in a predicament.
"What the hell do you mean you want more money?!" Mumm-ra bellowed to his mudwrestlers. "I'm not made of gold!"
"That's our final offer..." one of the girls said. "Take it or leave it!"
"Get the hell out of here!" he screamed. "I won't be black-mailed, damn it!"
"Fine," the girl said, "Have it your way! Let's see how your stupid club does without any entertainment! C'mon, girls." With that, she walked out and the rest of the girls followed.
"Damn!" Mumm-ra said. "Where am I gonna find more bikini mudwrestlers this close to curtain time? Well, at least I've still got Ms. Spots Callahan and Ms. Myra Pussy." He didn't know that those were just aliases for Cheetara and Pumyra, respectfully. "But where can I find them some competition?"
Then he thought of something. He looked to see if anyone was nearby (which, luckily, no one was), then he teleported to the Black Pyramid. He eyed his statued landlords ominously.
"Ancient Spirits of Evil," he asked, "Bring forth great female wrestling hardbodies from across the universe, who can mudwrestle for me!"
Lightning darted around the room, as Ma-mutt hid in the corner, whimpering. In a flash, a portal opened and there stood eight gorgeous females, seemingly under his command. He was surprised by the Evil Spirits' ingenuity.
Finally, the time came for the bikini mudwrestling to begin. Cheetara and Pumyra anxiously awaited their debut in the back, hoping no one would recognize them.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer began, "It's now time for the bikini mudwrestling championship of New Thundera. Each match will be decided by pinfall or submission, and the winners will instantly move on to the next match. Are you ready?"
The crowd, which was very attentive, considering the high volumes of liquor consumed, roared with applause.
"Then, let's welcome our first contestants, newcomers to the bikini mudwrestling scene, Spots Calahan and Myra Pussy!"
The crowd cheered.
"And now, their opponents, from a very far away time and place... Rei and Lita... Sailors Mars and Jupiter!"
Rei and Lita stepped up to the ring to meet Cheetara and Pumyra, the four of them wearing nothing but string bikinis. All four women were in the ring, and the referee got into position.
Lita started things off by kicking Pumyra right in the face. Pumyra staggered back a little, and then, realizing she was in mud, dove forward and power-slammed Lita to the ground. Cheetara had hooked both of Rei's arms behind her back and slammed her tailbone into the mud. The match had barely begun and already everyone, including most of the front row, was covered in mud.
Rei finally maneuvered around and threw Cheetara over her shoulder then strattled her and began slapping her.
"You evil little Negaverse pussycat!" she cried, "Take that!"
Cheetara then growled, pitched Rei off, and leapt on her.
Meanwhile, Panthro, Lion-O, and WileyKat sat in the audience making smart-ass remarks, annoying the people around them.
Panthro: Looks like we've got ourselves a Sailor Show lemon on our hands. WileyKat: Cool! I hope they start going at it right there in the ring! Too bad Kit isn't here! Lion-O: WileyKat!
Pumyra grabbed Lita, twisted her arm, and pinned her face in the mud. It was clear she wasn't going anywhere.
"Ow!" Lita moaned, "Let me up, you energy-draining Nega-cat!"
Cheetara had Rei face down in the mud in a similar position, and the referee awarded them the match. A sore Lita and Rei walked back to the dressing room, broken-hearted.
"Spots Callahan and Myra Pussy," the announcer said, "Having won this match, will now face their next opponents..."
The crowd was silent.
"Nina and Anna Williams, sisters from the King of Iron Fist tournament... the Tekken!"
Nina and Anna, in small g-strings, walked to the ring. They had never liked one another, and it showed. In walking, they tried to outdo one another, each trying to look sexier.
When they finally reached the ring, Pumyra made the first move and leapt at Nina. She got Nina down and began pimp-slapping. Anna stomped at the both of them, not really caring who she hit. Cheetara then kicked her legs out from under her and slammed her down, hard.
WileyKat: Youch! Lion-O: Ow! Who's your daddy? Panthro: She's gonna feel that for a while. WileyKat: I'd like to feel- Lion-O and Panthro: Kat!
Pumyra managed to wiggle around and hook Nina into a figure-four leglock, while Cheetara had the other half of this unlikely team in a blatant chokehold. With no way out, the referee had no choice but to declare Cheetara and Pumyra the winners of this match as well.
As Nina and Anna walked away in defeat and argued all the way back to the dressing room, Cheetara and Pumyra looked at one another and smiled as the referee raised their hands.
"Once again, your winners!" the announcer stated, "And now, Spots Callahan and Myra Pussy's next opponents, all the way from the Far East, the Land of the Rising Sun, A-ko and B-ko!"
The crowd cheered wildly, even though they had no idea who the two girls were. By now, everyone was so drunk they could care less.
Panthro: This is shaping up to be one hell of a match-up. Lion-O: There's no stopping Callahan and Pussy tonight. WileyKat: Speaking of not stopping pus- Lion-O: WileyKat!
A-ko and B-ko climbed into the ring, clad in tiny, revealing, string bikinis. They tried to had the fact that they despised each other. It showed.
Cheetara stepped forward and locked up with the beautiful red-headed A-ko. A-ko, having a bit of wrestling knowledge, not to mention super strength, flipped Cheetara over and dropped her, face down in the mud.
Meanwhile, Pumyra had B-ko in a chokehold. With Cheetara seemingly out of the way, A-ko stepped up to help her comrade, even though they despised one another. A-ko hit Pumyra in the back, then followed up with a foot sweep.
B-ko jumped back and glared at A-ko.
"I don't need your help!" she yelled, "I could win this match by myself! I'm tired of you always trying to monopolize C-ko!"
"Oh, shut up!" A-ko retorted, "You're just jealous because C-ko likes me better anyway! And if you want to fight this match alone, go right ahead!"
A-ko wiped the mud off of her face and walked back to the dressing room. B-ko looked at her two opponents with a worried expression on her face.
"This just sucks," she said.
Lion-O: Heh. Something tells me she's in trouble. Panthro: Maybe the fact that it's a two-on-one? WileyKat: I like those odds! Panthro: WileyKat!
Cheetara grabbed B-ko, spun her around, and did a back-breaker on her. Pumyra quickly ran in and did a leg drop. B-ko was out cold.
Panthro: (trumpet sound) *wah, wah, wahhhhhh* Lion-O: Ain't that just the way it goes? WileyKat: I wonder if I could get a shot at the loser?
"And the winners of this match," the announcer stated, "Spots Callahan and Myra Pussy!"
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... tonight's main event, for the Galaxy's New Thundera Bikini Mudwrestling Championship! We have the winners of three matches, Spots Callahan and Myra Pussy, against..."
The crowd eagerly awaited the names of their opponents.
"Those two gorgeous fantasy babes, the mamas from Midgar... Tifa Lockheart and Aeris Gainsborough!"
No one on New Thundera knew who these two were, but that didn't stop the drunken masses from cheering. They cheered madly as the two girls walked to the ring in small, tight, bikinis.
Aeris and Tifa were both beautiful. Tifa had long, brown hair and brown eyes. Aeris' hair was a little longer, but brown like Tifa's. She had beautiful green eyes. They almost seemed unnatural...
They were a sight to behold.
Until the mudslinging began.
Cheetara immediately pounced on Aeris and caught her in a headlock, while Tifa was advancing on Pumyra. She ran up and punched Pumyra hard, then did a somersault kick. She followed this up with a powerbomb-type move called Meteodrive which sent mud flying all over the front row. Pumyra managed to shove Tifa back before she could do any more damage.
Meanwhile, Aeris managed to maneuver out of Cheetara's headlock, and in turn flipped Cheetara over into the mud. The two teams broke up and went to opposite sides of the ring.
Little did they know that their party was about to be crashed.
High in the rafters, where no one could see, stood a man in a long, black trenchcoat who carried an enormous sword, once called a Masamune in days long gone. His blue-green eyes glowed and they, too, seemed unnatural. He brushed some stray strands of his silvery white hair out of his face as he looked down. He planned to do the one thing which would smite his greatest foe most of all.
Kill the woman he loved.
The white-haired stranger drew his Masamune.
"Not so fast, Sephiroth."
The silver-haired one, Sephiroth, turned to see a blonde-haired young man who shared with him the feature of unusual eyes. The young man also had an enormous sword, a good four feet in length and about nine inches thick.
"Ah, Cloud," Sephiroth said slowly, "You're just in time... the girl is about to join the planet."
"I won't let you hurt her," Cloud said defiantly.
"Like you can stop me!" Sephiroth smirked. "You still don't get it. You're a puppet. A failed Shinra experiment... you can't stop me..."
"Shut up."
"Well," Sephiroth said, "You couldn't stop me five years ago..."
Cloud remembered. Fire. Flames. Heat. Fingers tingling. Eyes burning. But what? He couldn't recall everything.
"I... I can't remember..." Cloud said.
"Tonight," Sephiroth said, "Aeris dies."
"No!" Cloud said as he dashed at Sephiroth. This caught Sephiroth off guard, and the both of them fell a good twenty feet before landing in the ring. The four wrestlers leapt out of the way just in time to avoid being skewered by the enormous falling swords. The club's patrons immediately started fleeing.
Lion-O was the first to stand up, followed by Panthro, and lastly, WileyKat.
"What the hell-" Lion-O asked, confused. By this time, the only people left in the club were him, Panthro, WileyKat, Cheetara, Pumyra, Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and Sephiroth.
Lion-O drew the Sword of Omens and Panthro drew his nunchaku. They were both convinced there was going to be trouble. Together with WileyKat they approached the ring. Slowly, Lion-O stepped between the ropes. Cheetara, Pumyra, and Aeris and Tifa were at separate corners. Cloud and Sephiroth stood in the middle, facing each other with their weapons drawn, ready to square off.
"Who the hell are you?" Lion-O asked as he approached cautiously. "And why are you terrorizing these poor, helpless-" He stopped as he glanced at Cheetara and Pumyra.
"Cheetara? Pumyra? What the hell is going on?" He asked, baffled.
"Damn!" Cheetara said. The jig was up. Still in her bikini, she realized that their might be trouble and drew her staff. Pumyra drew her sling.
"Well," Lion-O stammered, "We'll talk about this later." He eyed Cloud and Sephiroth suspiciously. "You two need to get the hell out of here... NOW!"
Sephiroth turned and put his blade to Lion-O's throat. "Don't you ever tell me what to do."
Lion-O pushed Sephiroth's sword aside with the Sword of Omens. He then shot a beam of energy at Sephiroth, crying, "Ho!"
Cloud saw his opportunity. He dashed at Sephiroth.
"Omnislash!" Cloud screamed as he charged his enemy.
Sephiroth had been stunned by the blast but was still standing, sword in hand. He parried Cloud's first strike, disarmed him, and shoved him down in the mud.
"What the hell!?!"
Everyone turned to see Davis Carvey standing in the doorway. Panthro walked over to him. Meanwhile, Cloud scurried away from Sephiroth and retrieved his sword.
"Uh, sir," Panthro said as he walked over to Carvey, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave. It's not safe here."
"Idiot!" Carvey shouted as he slapped Panthro, sending him into a table ten feet away. "Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this puny disguise into Mumm-ra, the Ever-Living!"
Lights flickered and wind swirled around the club. Lion-O and the other ThunderCats were stunned, Cloud, Aeris, and Tifa were shocked, and Sephiroth was rather amused.
"Heh," Sephiroth said nonchalantly, "Well, no matter. I came here with a task in mind, and I intend to accomplish it." He turned his blade towards Aeris.
Lion-O, since it was his duty to protect the innocent (and seeing a chance to score a few points with someone who didn't know about his checkered past), immediately spoke up.
"Leave her alone!"
Sephiroth turned to Lion-O and glared at him.
"Bolt 3!" he said as lightning shot out towards Lion-O, flooring him.
"You can't do that!" WileyKat shouted as he tossed a capsule at Sephiroth, which immediately burst into smoke. Sephiroth merely stepped through it, grabbed WileyKat, and pitched him about twenty feet across the room.
"Enough of this foolishness!" Mumm-ra shouted before Sephiroth could floor anyone else. "What is the meaning of this disruption? Why have you invaded my nightclub?"
"Shut up, old one," Sephiroth said coldly, "I came here to take vengeance on my enemies, and that's what I plan to do. If you get in my way, I will destroy you."
"I don't have time for this nonsense!" Mumm-ra said, "Ancient Spirits of Evil, transport these outsiders, and all the rest, back to their own times and places!"
Sephiroth, Cloud, Aeris, and Tifa, as well as the other ladies in the dressing rooms, began to fade away and return to their own universes.
"I'll get you for this, sorcerer," Sephiroth managed to say before he too faded.
"So," Lion-O said as Panthro, WileyKat, Cheetara, and Pumyra stood behind him, ready to fight, "This was just another of your wicked plots to get the ThunderCats, eh?"
"Yesss..." Mumm-ra said, "And it would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for you stupid ThunderCats, and that damn swordsman!
"But no matter. For I, Mumm-ra the Ever Living, will have my revenge against you ThunderCats another day. Gya ha ha ha ha!!!"
With that, he flew away before the ThunderCats could attack.
"Well, don't that just beat all?" Lion-O said.
"Let's just get out of here," Pumyra said as she toweled the mud off herself, "I'm tired. Mudwrestling isn't as easy as it looks."
"What were you two doing mudwrestling anyway?" Panthro asked.
"Uh... uh..." Cheetara stammered, "Boy, I'm tired! Let's just get out of here."
"Come on," Lion-O said, "The Thundertank is just outside,"
And everyone left. As they were leaving, Lion-O hopped in the Thundertank and sat beside Pumyra.
"You know," he said, "You look pretty hot in that bikini."
"You think so?" she asked. Eh, what the hell, she thought. She didn't have any plans for tonight, so she figured she might as well have a little fun with Lion-O. After all, she could have done worse. She layed her head on his shoulder.
"Damn that Sephiroth!" Mumm-ra said. "If not for him and those outsiders, I could have publicly humiliated the ThunderCats tonight.
"Oh, well," he said as he climbed into his sarcophagus, "I can always come up with a new scheme tomorrow night."
After all, he thought, I do still own that nightclub.
As he closed the door to his sarcophagus, his laughter echoed off the walls of the Black Pyramid.