|
|
"Damn it!" Lion-O said to himself as he sat alone again on a Saturday night. "I'm tired or sitting here every damn weekend while everyone else goes out and gets laid. How come chicks don't dig me?"
Finally, unable to sleep, he turned on the television. After flipping through various televangelists and infomercials for exercise machines, he came to a wrestling program. He watched as a wrestler by the name of Pimp-daddy Jones was escorted to the ring by three lovely ladies.
"What the hell?" Lion-O asked in astonishment as he watched. "How come I can't get chicks like that?"
Then the proverbial light bulb came on.
"If I were a wrestler... I could get all the chicks I could handle..."
Meanwhile, Panthro was having troubles of his own elsewhere on New Thundera. Once again, he and his date, Willa, had to sneak out of The House O' Nine Meals because he didn't have the money to pay the bill.
"Panthro, I'm so tired of this!" Willa whined. "Why do we always have to sneak out of these restaurants?"
"Because, girl," Panthro said, "that cheapskate bastard Lion-O doesn't pay me very well. I haven't gotten a raise out of him in five years!"
"That's not what the Third Earth Inquirer says!" Willa exclaimed as she climbed out of the bathroom window.
"Oh, shut up..." Panthro said as he pushed her the rest of the way out.
Later, after dropping a rather disappointed Willa off, Panthro pulled into New Cats' Lair and thought to himself.
"I need more money. I'm tired of having to sneak out of restaurants, or into movies, or having to buy all those generic brands and economy-size boxes. How can I make more money? I suppose I'll have to get a new job. But what am I good at?"
Then he gave up. "I just hope I haven't missed the Saturday Night Main Event. Tonight Pimp-daddy Jones was supposed to fight Eight Ball.
Then a light bulb came on inside his mind.
A few weeks later... Lion-O, now in the guise of the Lionheart, had now wrestled several matches, and had been quite successful. He wore a mask, because he couldn't dare to let his fellow ThunderCats find out what he was doing. What would he say? How would he explain? Thus, a secret identity was necessary.
"That was great, kid!" Jerry King, Lion-O's manager, said. "I can't believe you defeated Eight Ball on your third night out."
"All in a day's work," Lion-O boasted, "For the Lionheart." Even Jerry didn't know who Lion-O really was.
"Whatever," Jerry said, "You just go home and get some rest. I've got a big match lined up this saturday."
"Rest?" Lion-O asked, "With all my hos? Not likely."
"I mean it!" Jerry said. "This match is huge... Pimp-daddy Jones."
"The champ?" Lion-O asked. "No way!"
"Yep," Jerry said, "So go home and get some rest."
Meanwhile... Panthro, under his new identity, the Gray Panther, had beaten several highly-ranked opponents in his first week, when his manager, Captain Gene, informed him of the Lionheart's title shot.
"This isn't fair, damn it!" Panthro raged under his mask and new identity. "I deserved that title shot! I'm the hottest newcomer on the scene since Hunk Piper back in the old days. This is a travesty!"
"I know," Captain Gene reassured him, "But somehow we'll get back at him."
"You're damn right we will!" Panthro yelled. "Because next Saturday, Pimp-daddy Jones won't be able to wrestle..."
That saturday... Lion-O, in disguise, stood in the ring with microphone in hand. The crowd was going nuts.
"Listen, Pimp-daddy," Lion-O roared, "You've been running your mouth all week about how you're gonna come out and 'lay the smack down.' Well, I've heard about all of that crap I can stand. If you have the guts, then step on out here so I can kick your ass and take your belt. If you don't, well, then, I've just got two words for you... SUCK IT!!!"
With that, Pimp-daddy stepped out and waved to the crowd, who hissed and booed at him. Lion-O stood in the ring eager to meet his destiny and get the one thing that would draw chicks to him like no one else... the Thunderian Wrestling Federation heavyweight title.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... for the thousands in attendence here tonight and the millions watching at home on tv... are you ready to rumble?" The crowd roared its response.
Just as Pimp-daddy was almost to the ring, a gray streak shot out from the dressing room. It was Panthro, and he didn't look happy. He knocked Pimp-daddy to the floor and then delivered a series of devastating kicks and punches to the knee. Lion-O and the crowd looked on in silent awe and disbelief until five referees tore Panthro away from his victim. Pimp-daddy was lifted onto a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance, hospital-bound.
Finally, one of the referees stepped into the ring and walked up to Lion-O, then grabbed a microphone.
"Mr. Lionheart... I'm sorry to inform you, as well as our dear fans, that the title match for tonight has been canceled."
Lion-O grabbed the referee and took the microphone, then pushed him to the ground.
"What do you mean, canceled? I didn't come out here tonight to be made a fool of. Now, I showed up, and if Pimp-daddy can't fight, then that's his problem. I'm the champ. The people want me to be champ."
The audience cheered their approval.
"So," Lion-O continued, "I'm the champion by forfeit."
Just then the owner of the TWF, Vince Turner, climbed into the ring with a microphone.
"That's true, Lionheart," Vince said, "You are the champion." The crowd cheered loudly. "But, you will have to defend your new title here tonight... against the Gray Panther!"
The crowd cheered louder than ever. Suddenly Panthro, in disguise, appeared at the exit to the dressing room with a microphone in hand. He began walking toward the ring.
"You know," he began, "You've been out here flappin' your gums an awful lot lately, Lionheart, and I for one am sick of hearing it. Tonight, I'm gonna come in that ring, kick your ass, take MY belt, and leave here tonight the champion, like everyone here knows I should be."
The crowd roared.
"And that's the bottom line, because the Gray Panther said so!"
With that, Panthro tossed his microphone down and dashed to the ring. Vince Turner quickly left, and the referee got into position. Lion-O quickly jumped on Panthro when he entered the ring.
They exchanged fists for a few moments or so, then Lion-O tossed Panthro toward the turnbuckle. Panthro rammed his head on it, then stumbled around into Lion-O's boot. Lion-O stomped on Panthro a bit, then picked him up and pitched him toward the ropes. The crowd roared madly.
Panthro finally regained his senses and clotheslined Lion-O with a running forearm. Then he climbed the turnbuckle and smashed down onto Lion-O. With Lion-O down, he grabbed the mask and ripped it off.
And then he saw he was fighting his boss, his friend.
"Lion-O!" Panthro exclaimed.
Lion-O kicked Panthro off and, enraged, began attacking. Panthro was too surprised to even react. Finally, with Panthro cornered at the turnbuckly, Lion-O tore the Gray Panther mask off.
"Panthro!" he exclaimed. For a moment they both stared at one another. Finally, Lion-O extended his hand and helped Panthro out of the corner. Then, they raised each others' arms in triumph.
"Hold it!" Vince Turner said as he climbed into the ring. "This is a wrestling match, for the championship! There has to be a winner! I'm paying you too well. I'm giving you what you want... money, cars, women... I own you, damn it!"
"What the hell did you just say?" Lion-O growled as he stepped forward.
"Heh," Panthro chuckled, "this sleazebag is under the impression that he runs the show, and the he owns us... ThunderCats."
Vince took a couple of steps back and motioned for two security guards to come in the ring to help him. For a moment, Panthro and Lion-O just looked at each other, then they attacked.
Panthro booted one of the security guards in the gut, then served him a DDT. Lion-O uppercutted the other one, kicked him in the stomach, then powerbombed him. Then they turned to Vince.
"Now guys," Vince chuckled uneasily, "Let's not be too hasty. We can re-negotiate your contracts."
"I don't think so, Vince." Lion-O said.
"Yeah," Panthro chimed in, "We quit."
They grabbed Vince, pitched him into the far ropes, then bounced off the other ropes. Finally, they double-clotheslined Vince. Panthro then held him as Lion-O repeatedly stomped him in the belly. Panthro proceeded to hold Vince high over his head, then pitched him out of the ring. The crowd was roaring.
Later that night... After triumphantly exiting the ring, Panthro and Lion-O went back to their lockers to clear out their things. Jerry and Captain Gene walked up.
"Oh," Lion-O said, "Well, maybe you guys didn't hear, but our wrestling careers are over. I don't think we could work for Vince again, even if we wanted to."
"What do you mean, over?" Jerry said.
"Yeah," Captain Gene piped in, "Your careers are just getting started. You've never been more popular. It would be a cinch for you guys to take tag team gold."
Panthro and Lion-O just looked at each other.
"He's right," Jerry said, "Why, even now, I could get you a match against this hot new tag team called the Wild Tigers."
Panthro and Lion-O just blankly looked at each other, speechless.
"Wild Tigers?" Panthro asked, confused.
Then they both shook their heads in unison.
"Nah, it couldn't be."